Today, we live in a 24 hour world. Yes, there has always been 24 hours in a day, but in the past, we did not have grocery stores and restaurants or other businesses that operated 24/7. We live in a world where shift workers who hold evening and graveyard positions are the majority. At no time is there an absence of those whom are watching TV, working, shopping, eating. The list is too exhaustive to mention here.

We have an attachment to constantly doing, doing doing. Even when we do take time out, our minds continue to work and often, guilt is present because we are not being productive. We are not doing anything. We have become a society of human “doings” rather than human “beings.” Contemplate that thought as you read on.

Why are we stressed?

Most of us were raised by the tenet that hard work pays. And, if cleanliness was next to godliness, hard work was even closer. Only a lazy person would do nothing and not feel guilty about it, and a lazy person is someone who is worthless, lacks ambition and worst of all, selfish.

Hard work, in and of itself, is not a bad thing, Clearly, this country and the world was built on the backs of hard work,that is true. It is equally true that in many cases that hard work was prodded and demanded by a cruel and hard taskmaster. Yes, doing has built the world in which we live today and as modern citizens, we value hard work, or at least the idea of it.

It is from this structured belief system that we have made a collective shift from being to doing. The result is that we have become a society in which we value doing more than being. For example, when we meet someone new, we want to know what they do as if this somehow defines them. We never ask, “Who are you, really?” We can’t ask that, for that would surely be considered a stupid question and the last thing any of us want to be is stupid. Consequently, we define ourselves and others by what we do. I am a banker, a factory worker, an attorney, a car salesman, a mother, a father…

This is problematic because when we aren’t “doing” we become irrelevant to ourselves and others. There is a constant pressure on us to perform, do, work, create. This causes  what we call stress.

What is stress?

Can you hold stress in your hands? Can you describe what it looks like? In other words, is stress a tangible object? No, stress is not a tangible object. But we all know it exists, right? We feel its oppressive weight in our shoulders or other places in our bodies.

In truth, stress is nothing more than an idea, a thought, a belief. Stress is not a thing, just a word that describes a feeling. We’ve all said, “I’m so stressed out!” But what are we really saying? Are we actually saying that we are trying desperately to meet some external expectation and fear we won’t measure up?

Stress Buster #1

Understand that you are in control of three things in your life and three things only. You have control over your thoughts, your words, and your actions. That’s it. So, if stress is merely  a thought, you have control over that. Stress really is all in your head.

When you feel yourself moving into the stress mode, be aware that you have a choice. You can practice awareness and ask yourself these questions:

1. Why am I feeling stressed?

2. Will allowing myself to feel stressed help me in this situation or hurt me?

3. Am I willing to give up feeling stress at this moment?

4. What would be possible if I just chose not to be stressed?

Stress Buster #2

Addictions come in all shapes and sizes and I have to assert that stress is an addiction. We become dependent upon stress to help us get the job done. Have you ever stated that you work best under pressure when you’ve put off a project until the eleventh hour? We use stress as an excuse to be emotionally unavailable to our family and friends. We use stress to justify unkind behaviors towards others and to become dependent if not addicted to substances such as drug and alcohol.

Take responsibility for the things you can control in your life. Some helpful techniques are to have some kind of an anchor that you can look to in times of need, to remind you that allowing yourself to fall into the stress trap is your choice. This anchor could be as simple as a rock in your pocket, a picture on the wall, an inspirational quote inside your desk drawer, a password or a digital sticky note on your computer. The point is to put something in place that will remind you that you always have a choice about your thoughts, words and actions. You always have a choice.

Take a few deep breaths. Believe it or not, we actually forget to breathe when we begin the stress cycle. Taking a few deep breaths brings us back to the present moment, supplies oxygen to our brain and has a calming effect on the mind and body. It also gives us a much needed time out.

Stress Buster #3

Ask yourself:

1. What is the cost to me personally if I fall into the stress trap now?

2. What will it cost me to de-stress myself?

3. Will my choice to feel stress harm others?

4. Will choosing to feel stress really change the outcome?

It takes practice to learn to pause before following Alice down the Rabbit Hole of stress, but be gentle with yourself. The first step is to practice awareness, be conscious of situations that might cause you to stress before you are actually there. Have a plan, and remember you only have control over three things-what you say, what you think and what you do. Practice this and you’ll be saying goodbye to stress in no time.

I began this blog in late August, while stationed at the hospital where my daughter was trying to keep her remaining twin daughter in utero long enough to give her a fighting chance at life. We lost her identical twin sister at 19 weeks, after an intra-uteran surgical procedure in an attempt to save the girls, Harper and Reese.

The girls developed a rare disorder of the placenta that can only occur in identical twins, It is know as twin to twin transfusion syndrome, or TTTS. In very lay terms, that means that they share vascular connections in which one baby becomes the “donor” and the other baby becomes the “recipient. The donor baby does not receive enough blood to develop properly and the recipient baby has too much fluid, which causes congestive heart failure.

We lost the donor baby, Harper, in the early hours after the surgery and were told of the risks to Reese as she continued to develop. Through love and prayers and a blanket of positive energy, my daughter was able to postpone birth of both babies until 25 weeks. My surviving granddaughter weight 1 pound, 12 ounces when she was born on Septmember 10. Her due date was December 23.

It has been a long road for her mother and father, but they have shown nothing but courage and hope and faith. Courage to face so many obstacles during their first prenancy, hope that all woud be as it should be and faith that little Harper is exactly where she is supposed to be.

Reese got to come home right before Chrismas on her due date and has continued to thrive and grow. There is no feeling like watching her grow and improve daily and observing her journey has taught me that if she can make it through all of her obstables as a tiny micro-preemie baby, I have no excuses. I can do anything.

If you are curious about TTTS they have a foundation and a website:http://tttsfoundation.org

and if you have a friend or loved one who has recently been diagnosed with twins, make certain they know if there is one  placenta. This is a significat indicator of the syndrome, and if diagnosed early enough, there is hope to save both babies.

Our little angel, Harper, is my constant reminder to get the word out about TTTS.