I was recently in attendance at a women business owners forum that included 15 business women from Rwanda who have been in Oklahoma City for four weeks as part of the Oklahoma City based Institute for Economic Empowerment of Women’s Peace Through Business program. The forum was hosted by EWF International, which is also an Oklahoma City based company that provides professionally facilitated peer advisory groups for women business owners and executives.
These Rwandan women are simply incredible. They are bright and articulate, well educated and willing to do what ever it takes to succeed in business, with one caveat. Each woman expressed how her business model included more than profitability, it must also serve the greater good, the Rwandan people who live in scattered villages and live in extreme poverty. They actually do want to create peace and prosperity for all through business.
I was asked to present a business issue to the group. The process is the genius behind EWF International, but it can be challenging. Basically, an issue is presented to the group, then the group is allowed to ask clarifying questions that I may answer. The last round is feedback from every forum member. This is the part where I don’t get to talk. No explanation, no “yeah, but,” no excuses. This is my opportunity to just be still, take it all in and actually hear what is being said.
I mention all of this because somewhere in the clarifying question stage, I felt an old familiar companion creep in. His name is Self Doubt. He had lots to say to me as I tried to answer questions like, “what makes you qualified as a coach?” “What makes you different from other coaches?” “Why would I want to work with you?” I could feel the panic rising. My old companion, Self Doubt, whispered, “see, they know you…they see through you…who do you think YOU are, anyway?” I felt totally exposed and vunerable. In walked another old buddy, You’re Not Good Enough. He sat down beside me.
Later a friend told me that she saw me turn to moosh. She said that because I have always been known for directness with myself and others. My dad used to tell me that I called a spade a spade and sometimes I called it a damned old shovel. The truth is I allowed Self Doubt to creep in and take over. It happens to all of us from time to time and that’s just one of the many reasons I chose coaching as a profession.
Feeling vulnerable, belly up, is a horrible feeling of powerlessness. That is a false conclusion, of course, because each of us has a companion like Self Doubt who lingers just below the surface, but we don’t have to buy what he’s selling. We don’t have to give in and indulge him and let him bring in his buddies, Fear, Shame, Worthlessness. We have a choice. We have a great counter-measure and that’s Awareness.
From a place of awareness, I was able to hear the words without letting them completely engulf my mind. In Awareness I can see that as a human I will always have moments in which I feel inadequate. They are a natural function of the wounded ego, the false self. I can embrace them and say, “I know you are afraid, but I love you anyway. We can do it anyway.” Fear and action are not mutually exclusive. We can be afraid and do it anyway.
My willingness to be vulnerable and to experience it with awareness was actually a gift. I remembered that I can be belly up and I won’t die. I can always stand up.
